Giving Thanks

Thank you!

Hello, it’s me. I’m still here. I have composed many blog posts in my head to you these past months but it has been hard putting my thoughts in writing. Like so many people these days, I’ve been rather overwhelmed with life. And yet there have been many bright spots, a lot that have involved enjoying wonderful meals at home, tuning into concerts and movies online, embracing paddle boarding and picnicking and other low-risk activities, mostly with Steve, my partner of twelve years, and our three kitty cats. I’ve also poured much love and energy into cultivating my garden and settling into my little house. I’ve done some writing, mainly for Discovery Map and, in fact, I recommend you check out their Map Geek Blog where you can read stories that I think you’ll find to be both entertaining and informative.

I know how to make the best out of every day and every situation and I try hard to do just that. Thank God! Sometimes though it’s more of a challenge than others. Focusing on gratitude even in the darkest times helps a lot.

Summer Fun

As you can read in my recent Caring Bridge post, entitled Hoping Against Hope, my brother, David, continues to battle cancer very hard. He truly is an inspiration and there’s no doubt that his positive attitude has buoyed many of us up when we have felt great despair. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a feeling person but there’s no doubt that vulnerability can also be a strength. It definitely fosters compassion.

Like so many, I hold my feelings in my gut. I’m hoping that I’ve hit the reset button on that–at least for the most part. As I wrote in my Caring Bridge post, learning last May that my brother still had cancer thrust me into a high state of anxiety. I thought that after his laryngectomy last February that he’d be cancer free. By early August my stress began to manifest itself into severe abdominal pain. It took a while to figure out the cause of it and lots of Oxycodones and wines to manage it but it was finally corrected the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. That’s when I had a hysterectomy and aside from some post operative pain and discomfort, I could tell right away that the surgery had worked. Time to say goodbye to the Oxies, the heating pads and hot water bottles and to enjoy wine purely for its taste rather than largely for its medicinal benefits. (I had even gone so far as to buy a bottle of whisky recently; anti-inflammatories just weren’t working.)

I am so very grateful for having had this surgery. It almost didn’t happen. I’m sure you’ve heard how overloaded our hospitals are due to COVID  and that there’s a big nursing shortage (since many are in quarantine). Well, I can tell you that it’s real. My doctor, Dr. Kimberly Priebe, called me about four days before I was scheduled to go in and explained to me how Mercy Hospital in Durango, Colorado–like so many of our hospitals throughout Colorado and the rest of the country–was loaded with COVID. She explained to me that if I went through with the operation, she’d want to keep me off the floor and have me stay overnight in a hotel rather than in the hospital. The plan was for her to check in on me there and to keep me as far away from COVID central as possible. With the help of Steve, it appeared that I’d be reliant on a sort of “Little House on the Prairie” nursing and doctoring, straight out of the post-op recovery room. “And that’s provided there aren’t any complications and that you meet all the criteria for being released,” my doctor emphasized.

This all felt daunting and pretty scary, adding stress to a situation that was to be more than just a walk in the park as it was. I’m so grateful for all the support and advice I received from loved ones and particularly a couple of close friends from the medical world that helped me to eventually give my doctor the greenligiht with confidence. “You need to get this done. You have to trust that the medical professionals will keep you safe,” said my brother Frank. It wasn’t an easy decision, especially knowing that all of my doctor’s other surgeries for that day had been cancelled, including for a woman that had Stage 4 uterine cancer. But I persevered.

So Steve and I drove over two hours to Durango in a snowstorm the Monday night before, sanitized our hotel room (with a complete spray down of alcohol) and stocked the fridge with the food and drink I had packed into our cooler. Steve brought a thermometer as well as a blood pressure monitor; he was ready to handle whatever situation was going to be thrown our way. (He also had all of his ski gear because I insisted that he hit Wolf Creek the day of my surgery, since there was no point of him stepping foot in the hospital. He lucked out because it was a powder day. He talked to my doctor slopeside and then later picked me up at the end of his ski day!)

Thankfully all went seamlessly and I am so very grateful that I was able to have the surgery because I can’t imagine having had to go on much longer with such pain. My wonderful doctor lobbied for it to happen because as is the case with most of the hospitals in Colorado now, mostly only emergent surgeries are scheduled these days. I’m also very grateful to the entire medical staff because I know they are all working extra hard in order to make up for the shortages.

This brings me to a full-on plea to all to wear your mask and take all of the recommended precautions to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Please, if you are a non-masker or if you tend to be lax with your social distancing and such, know that it is very real. My heart goes out to all of our medical workers that have to be exposed to this virus in order to help us. Just walking into the hospital for my pre-op bloodwork and COVID-19 test a few days before my surgery gave me the willies. 

I have, in fact, felt heaps of gratitude to all healthcare workers and their support staff the past few years as I’ve assisted my brother with his cancer battle. I am in awe of their skill, hard work and commitment to their patients’ well being. In all of our countless interactions, I think we only encountered a handful that were less than pleasant and maybe one that was incompetent–or at least made a significant mistake. These people truly are heroes and I salute them during this period of giving thanks and forever more.

It seems as though the reset button has been hit for my brother, David, as well. We all have the power to promote healing within ourselves but there’s no doubt that we need help (sometimes a lot of it) from those in the medical profession.

I am grateful for modern medicine and all of our healthcare workers. I am also very grateful for the friends and family members that have supported me throughout these trying times. 

I just received my pathology report and there’s no cancer. Plus, it has been almost ten days since our little Durango jaunt and Steve and I have seemingly not caught COVID. All is well.

Here’s wishing all of you good health and healing!

Steve & Me this Summer